The Most Difficult Decision I ever Made
This is a very difficult prompt right on. I have made many difficult decisions in my life. Some of them have been for the betterment of myself and some of them for the betterment of others. However, there is one decision that I have made in my life that will forever be the most difficult. I just want to preface this with the fact that if you are a highly judgmental person; you may want to stop reading right now. Because you may not agree with what I did. And now that I am an adult, it really doesn’t matter to me what others agree with. Because only I know the circumstances involved and the reason why decisions were made.
The most difficult decision I ever made traces back to my children. My oldest daughter, specifically. She was born when I was a teenager, on the run from child protective services because I was a minor, and when I had absolutely no way of caring for her. I lived with her father, her grandmother, and some of her extended family while I was pregnant. They basically hid me from the county workers that were constantly looking for me. We all knew what would happen if I was located and sent back to the system. In reality, as soon as my daughter was born they would have taken her away and placed her in foster care or up for adoption. And once that happened no one would have contact with her again. To avoid all of that, I stayed hidden until she was born.
Once she was born there were very tough decisions that had to be made. The main decision was; where was I going to be? I know this is the family that helped me make the decision on how to better my future and solidify a future for my daughter. I decided to enroll in a school where I could live there and get an education. But my daughter can come. This is where the hard decision comes into play. Something in my heart told me it was the best thing to do for both of us. But mentally it really took a toll on me.
I made the decision to go to school and leave my daughter with her father, and family. Ultimately they chose to disconnect all contacts they had with me once I got into the school. The thing is, I did not fight them about it. I knew that my daughter was taken care of well. I knew they loved her beyond belief. And I knew that they would take care of her. However, I knew for her to get that treatment; I could not be there. It was just too risky for me to be there.
Now, she is a grown adult. I have tried to locate her, but with no luck. I have located many members of my extended family. However, I have never been able to reach her. I am hoping and praying that one day I will be able to. But then again, I don’t want to purposefully give her any type of sadness. I want to imagine her as that happy-go-lucky toddler that I kissed goodbye when we parted ways. This will forever be the most difficult decision I have ever made in my life. But I will always tell myself that it is not only the most difficult but one of the very best.
My door is always open and my phone number is always published just in case she ever wants to reach out to me.
Til Next Time,