How About Medical Anxiety?
If you are anything like me then the medical field is one field that you try to stay away from, at all costs. Sometimes you just can't though. It generally takes an act of Congress for me to step into a doctor's office. So, for me to be in the office yesterday, I even shocked myself!
I went to work just sort of feeling under the weather. But I progressively got worse. Really and honestly I felt as though I had the flu. So I did go to the doctor. Sweating all the way! The nurse practitioner came in and asked me a barrage of questions and I am mentally and physically trying to hold it together all at the same time. However, I feel like my world is falling apart! I feel like it is written all over my body that the anxiety is physically crippling me. But she just kept going with her questions and the nods of her head as I answered.
They opted to test me for flu, strep throat, and Covid. All of these came back negative, thank God! However, that opens up a whole other can of questions. Now the doctor comes in and she begins to question me. She talks to me about my exercise, the extensive weight loss that I have had recently, my water intake, and what I eat. After I make it clear that I am a no-meat eater, I think I drink enough water (apparently I don't), and I am not an advocate for pharmaceutical medication; then she comes back down to my level. I am in awe as she accepts my livelihood and she is in agreement to help me feel better while staying within my livelihood. She is allowing me to stay in my happy place, and I appreciate that.
She orders blood work. Her first inclination is that she thinks I may be anemic. To rule this out, I have to give blood. Which is not a problem. I halfheartedly expected it as a matter of fact. However, now the waiting game. This was yesterday so of course there are no results today. So rather than worrying my head off, I have thrown myself into Ecclesiastes 8:5 and Ecclesiastes 9:11 to test the boundaries of this list of verses that claim to cure people by diving in. Let me put it to the test!
I have been reading the book How Not to Read the Bible by Dan Kimball and he makes it clear in his book not just to read one verse. You read the verse before and the verse after as well. This ensures that you get a full meaning, and not just a part. I implemented this into reading Ecclesiastes. Ecclesiastes 8:5 reads "whoever obeys his command will come to no harm, and the wise heart will know the proper time and procedure". But what happens when you open that up as Kimball says? Then this is what I get "obey the king's command, I say because you took an oath before God. Do not be in a hurry to leave the King's presence. Do not stand up for a bad cause, for he will do whatever he pleases. As a King's word is supreme who can say to him, "what are you doing?" Whoever obeys his command will come to no harm, and the Wisehart will know the proper time and procedure. For there is a proper time and procedure for every matter, though a person may be weighed down by misery." Now, that is Ecclesiastes 8:2-6 and WOW! There is a difference. Rather than just me hearing to be obedient and obey His command, it tells me why. At least this is my take on it. Someone else may interpret it differently, and that is respected.
I went on to Ecclesiastes 9:11 and which says "I have seen something else under the sun: the race is not to the swift or the battle to the strong, nor does food come to the wise or wealth to the brilliant or favor to the learned; but time and chance happen to them all." In all honesty, I could not see where this fit my form of anxiety. However, let me open it up a bit. Ecclesiastes 9:10 has a wealth of information, "whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might, for in the realm of the dead, where you are going, there is neither working nor planning nor knowledge nor wisdom." This is what I needed to hear!
The way I took that verse is vital. I took that to mean what will I be able to do when I'm dead? I mean, in all honesty, when I am dead, I have been praying that that is when my life is really going to be magnified and glorified. That is when I am going to be the happiest. However, if you really think about this verse it really gets you thinking about your right here and right now purpose. I need to take care of myself right here and right now so I don't meet my maker before my time.
I am certainly hoping for the results from the blood work tomorrow. I really do not want to go through the entire weekend with no answers. However, I am at a point where I am okay either way it goes. It is what it is at this point. I will continue to throw myself into God's word. I will continue to read my daily devotion and I will continue to pray for positive results. I am not only praying for positive results but I am also praying for relief to this demon inside of me that I call anxiety. Many of us share the same demon, I know how you feel and vice versa. Just know that I love you, just the way you are.
Until next time.
Kristina
#KristinaWrites #100DaysOfAnxiety