Childhood Memories are Double-Edged

When many people go to a psychiatrist one of the most important topics is childhood memories that they have. Luckily I don't go to a psychiatrist, probably out of fear. However, nonetheless, I have a reoccurring childhood memory that I just cannot get rid of. So I am going to see if maybe I can just drop it here, get it out of my mind, and be done.

My father died when I was very young so I have very few memories of him and the ones that I do have I have had to confirm with other family members whether or not they are valid. However, there is one part of an interaction between me and my father that I just cannot wipe from my memories. I am very young, I would probably say two or three years old, and I am in my underwear sitting on the back of a Harley-Davidson motorcycle. I am wearing a knitted floppy hat that has PBR beer can labels knitted into it. Yes, I know, the visual is not appealing! But in my mind it is hilarious. Standing next to me is my father. I know somewhere in this universe exists a picture of this moment. Because in my memories, I can see the picture. However, I have family members and no one seems to be able to find it.

The memories that I have regarding my family are hit or miss. Some are good and some are bad. And I am sure that some are hidden deep down within, to never be heard from again. And that is probably a good thing. I have heard horror stories of different members of my family, which I will not name here. I am just so relieved of the life that I have had. It has been far from easy, to say the least. But looking back every moment has been a learning moment. Whether it is a learning moment to tell me never to do something again or not, it is a learned moment.

Whenever I remember things about my father makes me really sad. Because I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that if my father were still alive when I was growing up he would've been involved in my life. I am certain that I would have never been placed in foster care and I am sure that I probably would have had a completely different life. But here is where the double-edged sword comes in. If I didn't live the life that I live I wouldn't have the wonderful children that I have now and the amazing husband that I have now. And I love all of them tremendously. I could never imagine not having them around.

It really is true that everything happens for a reason.

Until Next Time,

Kristina

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