Anxiety Is Real
I for one should know, firsthand. I find that more and more when I tell someone that I have issues with anxiety I am just scoffed at or brushed aside. Generally, that is the response I got and that is what I have become accustomed to. Yesterday was completely different. Something I genuinely have not experienced before. I actually had people accept me with my anxiety and did not think twice about it.
Yesterday in our little city we had some severe storms. There was a threat of tornado activity and unfortunately, I was home alone. My husband was at work, so it was just me and Beatty. While she seems to be a great emotional support dog she was just as scared as I was. We heard sirens go off and I didn’t know what they were for. Whether they were just saying to be aware and alert or if they were saying to seek shelter. I opted for the shelter. I and my dog went into the bathroom and closed the door, had my shoes on and I had a blanket to cover us up with. She laid right on top of me and made sure that I was okay, along with her. Because I am sure that she knows by now I will always look after her.
During this time I was texting on a group chat with some of my friends in my church. I expected the usual comments of “it will be okay”, “just relax”, or my all-time favorite “what are you worried about”. These are all things that are said to me but none that are received positively. These sayings are just ways of telling people you really don’t give a crap about them or their feelings. I have to say that I was pleasantly surprised when none of my friends within this group chat said any of those things to me.
I had one friend quoted to me a Bible verse of Philippians 4: 6-7. I had Another give me “air hugs” and tell me that they loved me just the way I was! Lastly, I had one tell me to keep my phone close to me and if there was an emergency to seek shelter, she would let me know. Not only that, I was referred to as their friend. That may seem like nothing to a lot of you, but to me, that is a big thing. I am in my 40s and do not remember the last time I truly had friends that would talk me off of my ledge, my anxiety ledge.
I have had many people tell me that anxiety is all in my head and that I could control it if I wanted to. I used to believe this, but not anymore. Over the past year, I have noticed a severe increase in my anxiety. I am actually taking CBD oil throughout the day in order to help curb the reactions to my anxiety. While that helps tremendously, I find myself having anxiety as to when it will stop working. I can only compare it to someone who is worrying about worrying too much. It really only makes sense to that person. I have learned this because when I do try to talk to people about it, they shake their heads in acknowledgment, but they really don’t understand the repercussions of it.
I read articles all the time about how to calm my anxiety. I remember reading an article that was explaining how to accept anxiety, and once you do that you can ultimately calm it down. I would think that this would be a good way to help calm occasional anxiety, but not something that you live with every day. No one in my family knows just how bad my anxiety is, not even my husband. I try to recognize it and understand it as much as possible, this way I can try to stop it before it gets out of control. I think last night was very close to being out of control. Because I actually scared myself. I did not criticize myself then and I still don’t criticize myself now. I just need and want to understand it better.
This blog is just written more for informational purposes for other people. Maybe someone will come along this blog and it will remind them of one of their loved ones and they will try to help them redirect their anxious energy or their nervous energy, rather than just trying to sweep it under the rug and pretend it does not exist. Maybe someone will read this blog and go to their loved ones to recommend taking a mental break with them. I know that works from time to time. My husband will see that I am overwhelmed and he will say we need to go lay down for a little bit. He acts like it is because he is tired. However, I have become aware of the fact that he sees I am becoming anxious and that is one way to help bring it down for me.
It has not been a time yet where the signs have pointed to a medical professional. I don’t have constant anxiety. The anxiety that I experience does not seem to get in the way of my regular daily activities like work or my writing. There have been blogs that I have read about anxiety being attached to things that actually are not even a threat to me. That is not something I have experienced either. Panic attacks are always linked to anxiety. This is the area where I am concerned. I do believe last night I was very close to having a panic attack. Not that I went into a full-fledged attack, but I was very close. At this point, I am not at the level of seeking out professional help. But if it does continue to get worse then I certainly will.
The good thing is that I found a wonderful support system within my church family. The church family reiterated today, the day after the storm, that they are still there for me. I had members text me today and check on me. This is all new to me as I am always the one checking on everyone else. I am not sure as to how to accept other people checking on me. However, I suppose this is something I need to get used to. It is a good thing to have people love you and accept you, for you. And I am so lucky that I have those people in my life.
Love you for reading this,
Kristina
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