Anxiety: Day 21,466
Updated: Nov 16, 2022
Of course, that is only a sarcastically thrown-out-there number. But I bet it is pretty close to the real one. Some days I wake up and do not have any issues with anxiety at all. Then there are other days when it is mentally crippling. These are the days that I live in fear of. I don't ever want them to come back; however, I realize it is inevitable that they will. I have gotten to the point where I accept or acknowledge that my anxiety legitimately exists. I still think it is all made up or exaggerated to some degree.
I am not sure if it is my inner guilt that keeps my level of anxiety hidden way down deep or if there is some other symptom that I have not been able to put a finger on just yet. Not knowing everything involved is the most challenging part of living with anxiety, in my opinion. I realize that I have to identify the actual root cause of my anxiety; but how do I do that? I am thrown in and out of situations so quickly that I barely have time to take a deep breath, let alone analyze my own feelings. All of this together just makes me feel more inadequate, which of course, causes more anxiety.
I have begun relying more and more on my biblical reading and comprehension of the Bible in order to get me through my anxious moments. Sometimes this works. However, to be completely honest, it does not work all the time. Maybe that is because I put such specific limits on myself. I don't really know. Maybe I'll never know.
The verse I was researching this week came from the book of Revelation. It is Revelation 21:1 – 27. And before you get overwhelmed by 27 verses there is literally only one that I have been focusing on. And I know that reading the book "How Not to Read the Bible" says not to just read one verse, but to read before and after. I have done that. However, I am choosing to focus on Revelation 21:5, "The one who was seated on the throne said to me, "Look, I am making everything new!" He also said, "Write, for these words are trustworthy and true."
By focusing on this verse I have learned a lot. Can you imagine what it will be like when everything is new? Can you imagine the beauty? I have an imagination of a five-year-old. And I can see the majestic colors and the soft senses and the absence of anxiety and guilt. This is where I want to be. I want to be where everything is new. I know I am far from perfect. But I sure hope I am doing a better job than just being a good person. I want to be a good enough person to be accepted where everything is new.
I use my blog as an outlet. I have literally had people send me messages telling me that they have no idea what I am talking about. And then I have had other people tell me that they were able to find a resolution to their own problem by following something they read in my blog. Whether you are at either end of the spectrum or right smack dab in the middle: I want to thank you for reading it. Feel free to reach out to me. Feel free to ask me questions. I love interacting with people that are like-minded and people that enjoy reading my writing.
Hope to hear from you soon.
Until next time.
Kristina